Updated: Oct 29, 2019
Now this doesn’t just apply to a significant other. This could be getting over a friend or a boss or an absent parent. Any person in your life that you’ve had to end things with and are trying to move on from. This is for all of you.
1. Stop waiting for an apology.
Not to say that you don’t deserve one or that you aren’t allowed to feel like the victim. But waiting for someone to come around and say “you were right”, slows down any kind of process for moving forward. It allows that person to have power over you. Because without saying it, you’re actually saying “I cannot move forward unless you feel the same way about the situation as I do”. And if we wait around for other people to see our side of things, we will never get around to caring about the things that actually serve us.
2. Cut off communication with that person.
You don’t have to do this forever. But definitely in the beginning when it looks like there won’t be a silver lining anytime soon. When we keep communication open with someone who hurt us its like beating a dead horse. While the fire is still hot, there is nothing that person can say now that will make it all better. You both need space from the situation no matter how hard that may be.
3. Don’t be so quick to “fix” the problem.
A lot of the time when something detrimental happens, we want to fix it up and make it all better. We find it easier to pretend that something didn’t hurt us which creates this cycle of getting walked on and never truly getting over the hurt, which later creates a lot of resentment towards that person and yourself. The scary thing to do is to acknowledge that you have been hurt and to actually put your feelings over someone else’s. It is OK to take all the time you need before allowing someone who hurt you back into your life.
4. Take some time for yourself and reflect.
Surround yourself with things, hobbies, and people you love who make you feel good. Prioritize yourself and what your heart needs. While doing this, reflect on the situation. Now without the added stress, things may start to look a little less hazy.
Not only them, but yourself. There is plenty of compassion in this world to go around for everyone and every single person deserves at least some of it. A piece of advice I’ve gotten from a friend is to think of everyone who hurt you as a “child”. Think of that person saying or doing the things they did as a younger version of themselves. Why? Because every time we act from a place of pain or hurt, it is the child within us who is reaching out for comfort, or love, or understanding. Odds are this persons real intention was never to hurt you. The real intention was to protect themselves.
There is no better medicine for a fallout than time. I’ve watched it happen to me over and over again. How something can bring me so much pain and then one day I remember that I haven’t thought about it once. It’s a sign that life moves on and if we are lucky to wake up to another day, that’s a sign that you should move on too.
7. Nothing lasts forever.
The pain, the heartbreak, and the sorrow will all be over soon. But allow yourself to be in it. Be in it for as long as you need to be and then close the chapter and choose yourself.