Hi hello! I hope you are well. It's been a while. And the reason is always something like "life got in the way" which is true, but also in this case, people don't want to read blogs anymore! And even though this is my first love, I felt I must move with the times and start a podcast. But I'm back because I have something really important to share and i think it is cause for a long blog post but don't worry you can skip around I made it easy for you! And no it does not have to do with a career update or a relationship one (not engaged either). What I have to share with you isn't so much about the external as it is about the internal. This week I committed to spending an entire week as my highest self. and I documented all of it and called it A Day in the Life as My Highest Self.
What this means is that I spent every day being incredibly intentional about how I wanted to see myself. What I wanted to do with my days, how I wanted to spend my money, the kind of relationship i wanted to have with my body, with food, with my relationships. The purpose of this was to get clear about the kind of future I wanted for myself and see how i can start implementing those things into my life now, within the circumstances. Before I did this I journaled, I did shadow work, which i talk about in my latest podcast episode .I even created a vision board. I got really clear about how i wanted to see myself in ways that seemed possible and even the ways that seemed delusional and I planned out how I could get close to emulating it all this week. So here's what I did:
Health & Wellness
One of the most important things to me is having a healthy relationship with my body. I have come so far from picking myself apart in the mirror every chance I got to now truly loving what I see. So I equate my higher self as someone who loves her body, understands it, and never deprives herself of anything that it needs and what that looked like for me was committing to a gym schedule at least 3 times a week and having fun with deciding and making my meals. In order to commit to this I planned my outfits the night before. I scheduled the workout in the app I use. I grocery shopped at the top of the week so i knew what all my meals would be. I planned in a way that made it easy for me to show up for myself in this way. I comitted to making this a priority and i found that when i kept the mindset of what my higher self would do, skipping the gym never felt like something that would benefit me. I wanted to continue to show up for myself because I was also thinking about my future and how what I am doing today is for the person i want to become.
I've also been able to add weekly yoga classes to my life...within my circumstances. Financially, I cannot afford to do this every week but I was lucky enough to find a yoga studio my best friend reccommended that does something called the Karma program. Anytime I take a class I come 30 minutes before to help the changeover and set up the room. Then I take the class and stay 30 minutes after to help clean up the space for the next group. I do this and I get to take an unlimited amount of classes for free. This has been monumental for my mental wellness. I take these classes because it is a good workout yes but it is also incredibly freeing and satisfying. one of the first things i do in the morning is to be in deliberate practice with myself. In the middle of the practice i whisper things to myself like I am strong and when I reach my arms up toward the sky it feels like i am saying i am worthy of everything my heart desires. The classes are difficult but they are another commitment that I make to myself and to my future. I highly reccommend finding other studios that have this kind of volunteering if this is something you'd like to add to your life!
Career & Finances
Career wise- I am not where I want my higher self to be. Yes I've been on Broadway, and Off-broadway and been on a First National Tour so i'm not beating myself up over this entirely. But in this current moment I'm not being paid to act I'm being paid to babysit. And it took some reframing to get myself to a place where I was content with that. I have spent the last decade of my life only putting my all into things that directly correlated to my career so this feels like I took a left turn. But once I started looking at is as something that was allowing me financial freedom to pursue my dreams, I realized that it actually did correlate. And even though babysitting isn't something my higher self would do I recognized what was: Getting dressed up for no reason. So its been really fun to style cute outfits before my babysitting shifts. it makes me feel amazing when i'm wearing my cute outfit and grabbing my coffee before I pick up my kids from school. Another actor friend and I, who is also a babysitter got together for a coffee and "rich suburban mom walk around central park" and we exchanged funny stories about our kids and about our experiences with auditions. She and I have both managed to juggle taking care of these kids while simultaneously going in for Broadway shows and I found that pretty romantic. I think My higher self would think so too.
Relationships
I sort of like to think that i manifested my relationships, both romantically and friendship wise. The relationship I have with Charlie feels both effortless and effort-full. It is easy to nurture and commit to each other everyday. This week I made sure to include time spent with him amongst our busy schedules because it is important to me that while I am committed to my higher self I am also committing to those I love. My best friend Sammie is also a relationship that means the world to me. To be in your twenties and have a best friend who is in the same industry as you, who roots for you as if you were her own sister, and stays on the phone with you for hours talking about absolutely nothing. It is something i've always dreamed of. I met up with her for drinks this week after doing a callback for a Broadway show. Meeting with her and decompressing on great Mexican food made me feel so so grateful to have this kind of sisterhood in my life. I am also working on growing my relationship with my actual sister. We have decided to write a children's book together and if nothing comes out of this other than the fact that we now have a phone date every Thursday to catch up on our lives, I will be happy.
What I Learned
- You can start whenever. You can start right now. Waiting for your life to look a certain way before you start taking the steps is a waste of time.
-Actually planning who I wanted to be excited me immensely. It showed me how deep my capacity to dream for myself is and that was thrilling.
-A lot of the things I'm doing today already emulate this version of myself and that shows me how strong my conviction is. That even if i'm not where i want to be in a lot of ways there is a strength inside me that chooses to find my joy anyway.
-I want to be satisfied in my life. And grabbing a nice cup of coffee and going for a walk is deeply satisfying. I will do this more.
-Mediation will save me. Meditation is the float that keeps me balanced in the rocky waters. As long as I stay connected to my breath it doesn't matter what's going on. I got me and we gon' be alright.
- My younger self would be so proud of me if she could see me now.
The End
If you made it this far I appreciate you. I hope this inspires you to maybe do a day, a few days, or even a whole week to committed to your own Day in the Life of My Highest Self and see what you discover. And please let me know! I would love to be updated. You deserve to enjoy your life today, no matter what it looks like. Find your joy. Find your freedom.
All my love,
Ci
