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  • Writer's pictureCi

a note on reflections

use them to look back only to move forward. not to have regrets or ponder on what could’ve gone right. to take note on everything that’s gotten you this far, to be grateful for it, and to welcome the change that’s headed towards you. being grateful is a blessing and an opportunity within itself to be able to look back and say:

“thank you , onto the next."

I want you to remember the place you were when you thought it wasn’t going to get better. and how you climbed out of that place either on your own, or by being brave enough to ask for help. remember the first time you realized you were worth more?

look at you now.

this year tried us all. it felt like the “what I learned after the pandemic and how I’m gonna do different year”. In a way, a lot of pressure but maybe not that much at all. I felt the complexities of both. Finally learning how to take a step back and stop feeling guilty for my lack of productivity but also beating myself up when I started to fall back into old habits. Sometimes my brain would scream “none of this matters” and other times I’d think “what mark will I leave on this world?” Nothing in between. But I learned to let go of a lot of things like equating my worth with my body and not feeling like I needed to prove my value and my talent to my peers. Finally realizing that no compliment feels good enough unless I actually believe it myself. But it took many years for me to build up the bad habits and i'm sure will take many to unlearn them. So being kind to myself for wanting to do the work of becoming a better, more fearless and grounded me is what i'm focusing on.

But we all went through a lot together. We stood up for ourselves more. Some of of us for the very first time. We got closer to who we actually want to be and we shed the skins of the things holding us back and for that I am proud of us. I'm proud of us for realizing that choosing to be silent was hurting us more than anyone else. And im proud of us for acknowledging the ways we need to heal.

So when you’re writing your new year goals and resolutions this year know that every moment you wake up and try again is more than enough. Putting pen to paper, turning wants into actions is a moment you succeed. And no matter what happens this year, you chose more for yourself. and for that, you should be proud.

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